I am not worthy

[Sort of a repost from last year, updated appropriately – APB]
Five years ago at 11:24 am EDT (1624 GMT), your humble blogger was handed the keys to a whole new vocabulary of love.
The gift came in the form of a 7 lb. 13 oz. (3,544 gm), 20.5 inch (52 cm) bundle of drooling, peeing, meconium-pooping bundle of baby girl, yanked from an incision in PharmGirl’s abdomen.
The lessons of compassion and unconditional love I have been taught by these two women have comprised the most formative experiences of my life.
In return, PharmGirl has suffered tremendous indignancies on my behalf: the necessary biological machinations required to mix haploid DNA following our post-9/11 sorrow gave way to fatigue and sickness that all but ruined our previously-planned vacations to Mexico and Key West.
Even the positive pee stick that greeted us on Christmas morning, 2001, could not make up for the suffering that lie ahead during weeks 25-38 of gestation in the unforgiving North Carolina summer heat. Not to mention her having to resubmit NIH grant applications, deal with the academic patriarchy, and care for family members and cancer patients of her own, all the while.
Perhaps the worst, however, was immediately following this nine months of constant discomfort: post C-section complications and the unanticipated loss of 1400 mL of blood that required twice-daily massage of her abdomen and uterus that had only been sliced open 24-48 hours earlier. Her collegiate athletic career could not provide adequate preparation for the pain I witnessed.
Gents, we men are not man enough to be women.
And my dear daughter, who, she reminded me yesterday, must now be known to the blogosphere as PharmKindergartener given her transition out of preschool this past month – the one who proudly calls me Daddy – the one who wanted to go see Jeff Tweedy play last summer because, “he seems like a good daddy, too.”
I have never ever loved anyone or anything more than this girl. More surprisingly, to me at least, I had never known I was even capable of such a depth of emotion.
So, perhaps, just for today, I will put aside thoughts of my worthiness and just enjoy the gifts.
Happy Birthday….and thank you, m’ladies.

6 thoughts on “I am not worthy

  1. Happy Birthday PharmKindergartener!!!
    It is amazing indeed, how much momma’s endure to bring these beautiful, mewling, helpless little people into the world. While papa’s stand by watching, just about as helpless. Definitely not man enough…
    Here’s to a good transition to kindergarten. My son’s making the same transition in just a couple of weeks. Followed by the transition to big brother in December.

  2. Happy Birthday PharmKindergartner from PharmSis who has always been a proud supporter of PharmBoy. Happy Day (courtesy of Sr. Agnes Mary) to all of you!

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